Actually, we do become our parents…
Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been.
—Jimmy Buffet
Escaping the clutches of our parents is a lot like trying to outrun your own shadow. You can sprint, you can zigzag, you can even try to hide but that shadow, your parents' influence, is always there. You might swear you'll never use the sayings your dad endorsed, but then you find yourself quoting verbatim, “That’s why there are menus” to your kids within earshot of their friends. You might vow to be the coolest parent ever, only to discover you're morphing into a carbon copy of your mom. We spend our youth desperately trying to break free, only to end up becoming the very thing we swore we'd never be: our parents.
The adage "you become your parents" holds a surprising amount of truth, though perhaps not in the way we initially expect. While we might rebel against their perceived flaws in youth, a complex interplay of factors subtly shapes us into their likeness.
Genetics, the blueprint of our being, plays a significant role. We inherit physical traits like eye color and height, but also predispositions to certain diseases and even personality characteristics. This biological inheritance sets the stage for our development, influencing our temperaments and how we interact with the world.
Beyond genetics, the environment in which we are raised profoundly impacts our becoming. Our parents, as primary caregivers, establish the initial framework for our understanding of the world. Their values, beliefs, and parenting styles become deeply ingrained within us. They shape our perspectives on love, relationships, and our place in society. We learn from their examples, both positive and negative, and internalize their communication styles, conflict resolution strategies, and approaches to life's challenges. These learned behaviors, often unconscious, become patterns in our own lives.
The notion that we become our parents is a multifaceted reality. We might as well embrace it, good and bad. While we possess our own unique identities, the influence of our parents is undeniable. Recognizing this allows us to gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our current relationships with our parents and perhaps with our own children. This translates into two important qualities: greater self-awareness and compassion. When the child becomes the caregiver, this resonates profoundly.
